After many discussions and arguments full of frustration and sadness I wondered why no one had ever written anything from the point of view that men have a choice to lust or not. So here I am setting about to create this paper based off of my views.
Chapter 1-Modesty
Many thought that because I believe that, technically, women can dress in whatever they like and it would still be a man’s fault if he lusted, that I didn’t think that modesty was important. But if you look in scripture it clearly says to dress modestly:
1 Timothy 2:9 (New International Version)
9 I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes,
1 Peter 3:3-4 (New International Version)
3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.
Obviously we have to consider times and culture with these verses talking about jewelry, braided hair, and also fine clothes. Back in that time when a woman wore those things it often meant that she was a prostitute. Now it doesn’t mean the same thing but we are still called to “dress modestly, with decency and propriety’.
My point is that I do not think we should dress modestly because “if we don’t we cause men to stumble” but because God calls us to. Saving our hearts for our husband and keeping our bodies a private and special temple only for God and our husbands is important to God, and should also be to us girls.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (New International Version)
19 Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.
Romans 6:13 (New International Version)
13 Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness.
Obviously God thinks it is important for women to dress modestly, and so do I! But our reasons are what matter, like with anything else. What is in your heart is what is really going to count when you stand before God.
Chapter 2-Man’s Choice?
Where the problem really lies in my debate is whether men have a choice or not to lust after a woman. My opinion is that they do have a choice. Reading scriptures seems to prove that idea for me.
Matthew 5:27-30 (New International Version)
27”You have heard that it was said, ’Do not commit adultery.’[e] 28But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.
Exodus 20:14 (New International Version)
14 “You shall not commit adultery.
Why would God make men to lust, which He says is committing adultery, and then say not to lust? This would mean that God had contradicted Himself, and if you are a Christian I am sure you believe, as I do, that God does not contradict Himself. So either the Bible is wrong or those who believe that all men can do is lust are wrong. Would you really believe that you were right and the Bible was wrong?
After some discussion with my mother I have found that the most likely reasons for men and women believing this “men can’t help but lust” idea is because it has been so engrained in our culture. Men often do lust, and the chances of a man lusting some time in his life are rather large. But is that because God made them like that or because they choose to be like that? I believe it is a choice.
The men use it as an excuse to get ‘off the hook’ with sinning and the women often just let it go and pity the men. It’s easy to do, it’s easy to sin, it’s easy to give excuses, but though it’s hard, I find it would be better to go before God with our sins and ask for forgiveness rather than just keep ‘letting it off’.
Ephesians 1:7-8 (New International Version)
7 In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace 8 that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding.
Chapter 3- Food and Lust: Same Meaning?
The following verse has often brought up in argument to me:
1 Corinthians 8:13 (New International Version)
Therefore, if food causes my brother to stumble, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause my brother to stumble.
If you change the words around a bit, this is their point:
Therefore, if the way I dress causes my brother to stumble, I will never dress immodestly again, so that I will not cause my brother to stumble.
This is a good point but when you read this you also have to consider the reasons for this being said.
Read the following verses carefully.
(New International Version)
Food Sacrificed to Idols
1Now about food sacrificed to idols: We know that we all possess knowledge.[a] Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up. 2The man who thinks he knows something does not yet know as he ought to know. 3But the man who loves God is known by God.
4So then, about eating food sacrificed to idols: We know that an idol is nothing at all in the world and that there is no God but one. 5For even if there are so-called gods, whether in heaven or on earth (as indeed there are many “gods” and many “lords”), 6yet for us there is but one God, the Father, from whom all things came and for whom we live; and there is but one Lord, Jesus Christ, through whom all things came and through whom we live.
7But not everyone knows this. Some people are still so accustomed to idols that when they eat such food they think of it as having been sacrificed to an idol, and since their conscience is weak, it is defiled. 8But food does not bring us near to God; we are no worse if we do not eat, and no better if we do.
9Be careful, however, that the exercise of your freedom does not become a stumbling block to the weak. 10For if anyone with a weak conscience sees you who have this knowledge eating in an idol’s temple, won’t he be emboldened to eat what has been sacrificed to idols? 11So this weak brother, for whom Christ died, is destroyed by your knowledge. 12When you sin against your brothers in this way and wound their weak conscience, you sin against Christ. 13Therefore, if what I eat causes my brother to fall into sin, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause him to fall.
It is said here that they should not create a stumbling block for someone who does not understand the laws about food and would see it as something wrong instead of something that God has permitted. Also, they say that it is not wrong for them to avoid eating those things so they could avoid confusing the others who, like I said, would be stumbled by seeing this.
Men can avoid being stumbled, they have a choice. Even if a woman was completely naked offering herself to a man he could turn away and not lust for her. A Christian man does not have any less knowledge or any weaker of a conscience than a Christian woman, so why would God not create women to lust? Because God said not to lust, lusting is a sin, for both men and women and can be prevented.
Think of it more as this:
Food isn’t what tempts us; food isn’t a bad thing just like clothes aren’t a bad thing! But our sinful desires are what tempt us to lust. So we can choose to deny those sinful desires and choose our desire to do what God has called us to do. What other people do isn’t what tempts us; it’s our own desires for that temptation. (Keep reading for more about our desires in Chapter 6.)
Job 31 (New International Version)
1 “I made a covenant with my eyes
not to look lustfully at a girl. 2 For what is man’s lot from God above,
his heritage from the Almighty on high? 3 Is it not ruin for the wicked,
disaster for those who do wrong? 4 Does he not see my ways
and count my every step? 5 “If I have walked in falsehood
or my foot has hurried after deceit- 6 let God weigh me in honest scales
and he will know that I am blameless- 7 if my steps have turned from the path,
if my heart has been led by my eyes,
or if my hands have been defiled, 8 then may others eat what I have sown,
and may my crops be uprooted.
Chapter 5- Judgment and the Guilt
“Should we judge? Are we guilty?”
These are a couple questions that I find are often answered with-
“Girls shouldn’t dress immodestly because it causes men to lust.”
and
“It’s our fault that men lust because we dress immodestly.”
I do not think we should judge anyone before we know their heart, which we can’t truly know for sure anyone’s heart. Only God can see what really goes on inside.
1 Samuel 16:7 (Today’s New International Version)
But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things human beings look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”
So who are we to judge a girl who wears something like a bikini (just an example)? We assume that, generally, girls wear bikinis to attract the attention of men, but I do not believe that is the heart of every girl.
I know most people have found that things like bikinis are immodest. Generally I would agree. I know they show a lot and I think it would be better to keep yourself covered. But if you have no other choice but to wear a bikini and have a good heart about it (not wanting men’s attention) then I don’t see why it is so bad.
Now here is where most say, “but it makes men lust!” and that is where I say, “I believe men have a choice.”
It’s all a circle going round and round, fitting together.
Often you may be blamed for men’s hearts, for all the times men lust after you, but are you guilty?
Some would say “yes”, but I would disagree. If men are responsible for their hearts then would it not be their fault if they sinned?
If you stole a cookie from the cookie jar would it be your fault for steeling or your mother’s for putting the cookies out?
Men should take responsibility for their faults and women should do the same, not one for the other. Don’t play the blame game, and don’t feel guilty for something that you can’t control. We can only control our own hearts and minds and take responsibility for the wrong things we do.
Chapter 6- Satisfaction: Being Focused and Filled?
Matthew 6:33(New International Version)
33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness…
For this section the question we start with is this: What do you focus on and fill yourself up with?
So what do we focus on and fill our lives with? The Bible says to be set apart from this world, but many of us get so consumed with the world and sin around us that we get pulled in. Drugs, sex, pornography, alcohol and many other things are constantly tempting us, being offered to us, and trying to drag us down. Temptations are in everything we do, but we can choose what we do with those temptations/offers. Do we grab hold or push away, hesitantly or willingly?
This choice is placed before every man and woman, girl and boy, some time in their life and sadly, many of us choose to grab hold. What many of us are realizing is that often, in today’s culture, men choose to grab hold of the chance to lust after a woman. But because many do it, we have just accepted the idea and thought it to be all that men can do. As I said though, they have a choice, just like we have a choice not to steel the cookie from the cookie jar.
If we were the people God has called us to be, spending every moment of our lives striving to please God and giving Him the glory he deserves…and be more like Him, then what would lust be? If you are with God, all things are possible! …Even choosing to not lust.
1 Chronicles 16:25 (New International Version)
25 For great is the LORD and most worthy of praise; he is to be feared above all gods.
Here are some more questions to consider:
Are you satisfied with ALL that God has provided for you? Do you even realize what all those provisions are?
When we lust it isn’t because of the person we are lusting after but because of our own evil, sinful, desires. When Eve ate the fruit it wasn’t because of the serpent or the fruit it was because of her own wants, Adam ate for the same reasons. Is what God provides not enough for us?
God created us to want him, to love Him, to desire Him, and to be in a relationship with Him every day and every second. But because man chose in the beginning to go after those desires we now have many, every day…every second, sinful desires just like Adam and Eve desired the fruit in the garden. It’s not a problem with others; it’s a problem inside your own heart. God gives us one spouse to spend our whole lives with, to share our love, history, and future with. When you lust, do you think that tells God you are grateful for the spouse that has come or is yet to come, or do you think that tells God that the person God has blessed you with isn’t good enough? Sadly, I believe the answer is part two: isn’t good enough. We are created in God’s own image, wonderfully and beautifully made. Lusting after someone doesn’t tell them you love them. It doesn’t say, “I think you are beautiful”. It says, “You aren’t good enough. You aren’t pretty enough. You aren’t ‘fake’ enough” That’s a lie. Every one of us is worth so much more than what we are being told in today’s culture, men and women. Lusting is just one of the ways that we degrade people.
(See James 1:2-18)
Psalm 139:14 (New International Version)
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
Romans 12:2 (New International Version)
2 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, in order to prove by you what is that good and pleasing and perfect will of God.
Colossians 3:1-3 (New International Version)
1Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. 3For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.
Chapter 8- The End?
So when does it end? It won’t end, sadly. The fact is, people choose every day to lust, Christians and non-Christians. The fact that people will lust won’t change until Jesus comes back for us. Just like there will always be sin. It’s especially a struggle with non-Christians because they don’t believe the same as we do and therefore don’t hold the same standards, nor do they know of the love of Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit in them.
But you can make changes in your own heart. You can choose to be more like Jesus and to live your life for Him and Him alone. …To NOT lust after God’s creation.
You can’t force someone else not to lust. Just like I can’t force you to believe the same things about lust as I do. You can choose to shine God’s light through your life, and they can choose what they do with that example, like you can with my example and my words. So choose not to lust, and who knows…you may change someone’s life by that example.
God has given us so much. He has blessed you and I time and time…and time…and time…again. Degrading his creation and sinning in our hearts is not God honoring.
So let’s stop degrading men by saying that all they can do is sin and degrading women by seeing them as objects for men’s “pleasure”. Because God created us for so much more!
It’s a choice. So let’s choose not to lust.
Proverbs 6: 25-28 (New International Version)
25 Do not lust in your heart after her beauty
or let her captivate you with her eyes,
26 for the prostitute reduces you to a loaf of bread,
and the adulteress preys upon your very life.
27 Can a man scoop fire into his lap
without his clothes being burned?
28 Can a man walk on hot coals
without his feet being scorched?
Please feel free to comment with your thoughts, I’m always open! 
I will be replying as soon as I can.
Thanks!
God Bless,
