Sad story I had to write:
Didn’t Want A Life Without You But Here I Am Living One…
Driving in her small black car, under the pouring rain and thunder, Ailla drove going nowhere. She was leaving the kind of ceremony no one ever wanted to go to. It’s the kind of place where you sit, all alone, in the middle of a sea of black hats and netted veils. You can’t see past your own tears or through the tears of the weeping clouds. Gusts of wind buffet your clothes from the right and then the left but you don’t notice. Where Ailla was leaving was the place where haunting graves surround your small gathering of mourners as a group of men slowly lower the ornately decorated casket down into the muddy earth.
Just last week her mother was driving Ailla and her siblings around all over the place. No one thinks that their mother might die in just a few seconds so it happens unexpectedly. In the amount of time it takes for everything to come crashing down on you it takes the same amount of seconds for her to be here and gone. Like a dagger thrown into the heart out of the middle of nowhere. Emptiness seems to be all there is. You can’t think strait, you can’t speak, all you can do is sit there, helpless and in pain.
Ailla took another turn down a country road, numbly moving the steering wheel to the left. Tears blurred her vision which she quickly wiped away like the windshield wipers on the front of the car wiped away the few droplets of rain still coming down. Mascara was streaked under her eyes and her cheeks were stiff from crying so long. When had she not cried? After the first impact came time to think and this only brought the tears back over and over again. Did her mother know she loved her? What was the last thing she had said to her? Was it “I love you?” She doubted it. The happy farm-girl from the south had taken her mother for granted and she knew that now. When she had the chance to express her love and to enjoy her mother’s time she knew she had turned away and gone to spend more time outdoors. Parents were there to pay the bills and brothers and sisters…well they didn’t have a point. All they did was annoy you till you gave them a big black eye. Of course, then you would get in trouble and have to sit in your dull room until your attitude changed. Ailla had always wondered why parents did this because it obviously didn’t work. Nothing had ever changed in her heart and now her mother, recently discovered to be important, was beyond a phone call, beyond a short drive down the country roads, and beyond the reach of her hands.
The young cute little girl was left behind like old clothes you over time grow out of and throw away. Now she was a woman trying to fight her way into the world and without the one thing every girl need.
At the next left Ailla pulled her car to the side of the road. She stepped out and closed the door. Though she was in her black wool coat she still felt cold. It wasn’t a problem that came from something external but originated in the core of her heart. Looking out over the valley she could see the cemetery where her mother lay peacefuly and quiet unaware that her daughter was longing for her to awake and continue life like they had. No, not how they had, how they should have; having the kind of relationship that was dreamed of.
Storm clouds floated across the sky; lightning flashing in the distance with an echo of thunder after, booming through the air. The valley was peaceful, most people indoors enjoying a family game of Monopoly by the fire.
Autumn leaves blew across her feet. Trees rustled in the cool breeze. People in their comfortable rustic houses didn’t realize the importance of their time together; living their lives ignorant of the falling leaves outside, of the bitterness and pain. When the thunder rolls in they will be unprepared, hiding under only a piece of cardboard. That was how she had gone through her life so far. Only seeing what she wanted to see and look where that had gotten her. Here she was standing alone, exposed, and confused. Can one live with only a piece of their heart left? She didn’t know if she could but you can’t know till you try. Time was moving on and she wouldn’t be left behind. One good thing had come out of her childhood and that was determination. God knew she needed this more than anything if she was going to get out of this mess with something left.
Ailla pulled the red flower out of her hair and place it on the gravel at her feet. Standing back up Ailla blew one last kiss into the air towards the heavens, “Love you mom.” Her past memories would remain with her for all her life but she still had time to make more. Relief came over her with the knowledge that her mother was in a better place now; away from the turmoil of the world. Ailla got back into her car and pulled back onto the road.
Everyone will continue to drive on, slowing down and speeding up. But a question still remains. What did we do with the time we had?
Hope you enjoyed my story! Let me know what your thoughts are on it. :)
God Bless,
Sheilla Kiwi
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